The following literature was created through several hours of boredom, planning, transliterating, studying a thesaurus, Japanese dictionary, and reading the entire L section of Webster’s 1978 New Ideal Dictionary. All words which could be considered innapropriate have been replaced with, “rubberducky,” or a synonym. If you like to read the original version, redirect yourself to Deviantart.
Long ago, there was a small town called Hurushini. This was an industrial town very well known for their unique rubberduckies. Every family in the town was very wealthy and possessed large amounts of real estate.
The neighboring town of Horobosu became highly covetous and declared war on Hurushini to gain their land and rubberducky factories. Horobosu had an uncommonly athletic army and could easily beat Hurushini because they did not possess an army, being a peaceful grassroots project.
All of the leaders of Hurushini soon heard of this war through their gossip magazines and planned to take action. The Head Honcho at the leading bath toy factory, Low-Quality Industries, devised a plan sure to win the war. He and the bosspersons of the other rubber fowl mills would pay their employees 2% more dinero to fight in the war. To top this off, any laborer killed in the line of duty would receive a 5-year dental plan.
Fighting soon broke out, a small boy by the name of Josephine went to fight in the war hoping to secure himself good dental health after death. He really wasn’t the brightest child you could find. Consequently, he became a war hero.
Mr. Josephine was told to put his best foot forward and proceed to impale his enemies with his trusty razor-edged metallic object. The problem was, he didn’t know which foot was most-suitable for the title of “best foot.”
About twenty minutes after his unit left, he concluded that his greatest foot was his right because that’s the one he used to kick his computer with. Josephine came in to the battlefield long after everyone else had, confusing the Horobosuan militia and creating enough of a diversion for the town of Hurushini to terminate the battle.
Hurushini won against Horobosu in the conflict, Josephine finally ensured good aural health post life, and everyone was substantially cleaner because of the soap mills gained in the conflict.
Here lies The End. He died too soon. RIP.
Copyright Brian Zick © 2003–2008